You Shouldn’t Should on Yourself
By Robb Whitewood
Should is an interesting word. An old teacher of mine used to say, “Robb, you shouldn’t should on yourself.” Only use the word should if you are in possession of a time machine! The word should by its very definition implies that if you had known what you know now at some point in the past, you would have done things differently. If you knew what you know now back then, you would have done something differently back then. But, it is only through the experience of doing it then that you are here right now, therefore, you can’t should on yourself.
“If you catch yourself saying should, give yourself a smack in the head, metaphorically speaking of course.”
Words have an effect on neurology and how you behave. If you catch yourself saying should, give yourself a smack in the head, metaphorically speaking of course. When there are problems, the neurotic unconscious mind is out of control. The normal mind spends an enormous amount of time trying to keep emotions in check to the point where it becomes almost like arguing with a naughty child throwing tantrums. The no limit mind on the other hand goes with the flow.
Imagine a young angry person has a knife to your throat and that you are yelling abuse at this person. Imagine calling them all sorts of names and telling them what a bad person they are while they hold your life in their angry hands. That is essentially your unconscious mind. I am actually amazed at the patience of the unconscious mind. It will put up with years and years of abuse while holding the blueprint to your health and wellbeing. Your unconscious mind has the ability to kill you, yet you are abusing it and giving it a hard time calling it ugly, stupid, greedy, dumb, fat… You are essentially abusing the person with the finger on the button that could end your life. How tolerant is that person? Can you imagine being that tolerant?
“One of the objectives of my teaching is to get you at least on good terms with your unconscious mind.”
One of the objectives of my teaching is to get you at least on good terms with your unconscious mind. Ideally, you will make it your best friend working side by side together. If you continually burn resources arguing, how can you possibly get anything constructive done? How can you live your dream? Neurotics tend to have no goals, normal individuals dream and no limit people have clearly defined goals. With those goals, they can structure what they need to get done and get it done today because it gets them to their objective. They love doing what they do, today.
So back to the word “should”…one of my many interests has been working on a boat engineering equation that took me ten years to crack. It turned out that the American government had put forward a one billion dollar research program to do the development of this same project which I was just doing for a bit of fun. I did crack the puzzle about four months ago, but it took ten years. There have been major problems with this puzzle over history. I am not really bothered about getting funding for myself, or patenting the design. I have just enjoyed the process. I am building it because it has meaning to me. There is no existence of the word should for me here.
“Any really good goal by its very definition, only needs to have meaning to one person and that is the person that has the goal.”
Any really good goal by its very definition, only needs to have meaning to one person and that is the person that has the goal. No one can die in your place, so no one can live in your place. Therefore your goal is to have meaning to you and no one else. When someone else tells you that you can only have meaning in your life when you do certain things, then that is their goal, their objective, not yours. Once you surrender those expectations back to the originator, then all that is left is what is important to you. What is left will have meaning and be of benefit to you. It will be the purpose of your life. No hallucination, no drama; just passion, focus, determination.
Now for the good and the bad news. I have had some individuals that have trained with me who have gone on to become multi-millionaires. I have had other individuals who have gone from having very high paying executive positions and thrown it all away for the purpose of following a dream like growing vegetables. One person I remember was earning about $5,000 a week. She was working so hard that she had no relationship, no social life and no prospect for doing much else other than working. I am happy to say that she now lives down the coast in a small guest house on a farm. She works one or two days a week in the city and she now has two kids with a man that she adores.
She was only doing the job because she thought that was what she was supposed to do after getting her degree. She thought that as a woman, she had to look for herself. Now, she has found a really healthy middle ground for herself.
“Can your unconscious mind kill you? Yes, without question.”
Another person just wanted money. He wanted to buy himself an F1 Ferrari and a 52 foot yacht. I know it was a 52 foot yacht because his neighbours’ was 51! This man came and did the practitioner course and he was well on the way to buying his Ferrari when he was diagnosed with leukemia. He therefore came back to us. What had happened was that his unconscious mind had become sick and tired of his life style which involved all work and no play and was seemingly driven by his ego. We had a serious conversation and we negotiated that he have at least one day off a week and did some exercise. Nearly eight years later, he runs marathons, he did not get the Ferrari, but he sold his large house and bought a house in the country. He still lives and works in the city, but he is making the transition from city to country life. His quality of life with his wife and kids is significantly better and he is much happier. He is still a financially wealthy individual, but at the time when he got sick, his unconscious mind was warning him to stop his ego driven lifestyle and live how he was supposed to live.
Can your unconscious mind kill you? Yes, without question. So everyday remember two important things; that you are in charge of your goals and that there is no room for should in the construction of your dreams. Your goals exist to create meaning in your life of which only you can decide if it supports your dreams or not. Make the choice to love what you are doing today or change it.
Enrol today into the NLP Practitioner course run by Australia’s top trainer, Robb Whitewood and learn more about creating meaning in your life without the “should”. You will find more details about the course and how to enroll on the home page.