O’Good grief was a famous catch phrase of the cartoon character Charlie Brown. It was usually the result of a life situation that just didn’t work out the way it was suppose to. Life is like that. Remembering that things always work out in the end, of course working out may not be exactly what you thought it would be. In fact, things working out could just be your worst nightmare. In the grand scheme of things we are born, we live, and then we die. Just a reminder today’s subject is on grief. If we start with and accept the basics of, being born, live and then die as being the only sure things in life it becomes impossible to become disappointed.
Disappointment occurs at the point in which we have an expectation of a thing happening, and then it doesn’t. Believing in one true love of your life, this would be the expectation. Discovering that you one true love has been sleeping with the entire volleyball team, stealing from your bank account, is gay or just hates your guts. These are just some of the possible behaviours your true love may engage in. It is impossible to know truly what the outcome of any event will be with total certainty. The issue is we have expectations, internal images or ideas as to how things could be, should be, then, of course, must be. When the physical reality doesn’t match the internal images that we have previously created, then we experience this as frustration. Grief, on the other hand, is the point in which we are reaching for a thing that is no longer there. There will be times of the day when things would happen, but who you would do them with has gone.
Grief is the natural process of rebuilding neural connections. Another way of thinking about this is, it is the process of unlearning. NLP is a great tool for dealing with the whole subject because it accelerates learning and in this case, unlearning. Grief can be experienced by anyone at any time. It maybe the unlearning of being a mother after the children have left the nest. Unlearning that you no longer have the title position or power that you once had. In a clinical situation grief can be presented in many forms. Women who have used their sexuality to open doors go through terrible grief at the point in which men no longer turn to look. Often grief is associated with the death of a loved one, though it could be virtually anything. Personally, I grieve every morning at the loss of my lovely warm bed. Grief is normal.